Starting at the top left, clockwise: The Hurricane Special, Rocky Road Soup Lucky Charms on top of Mint Ice Cream, Unicorn Meat.

When you found out that Hurricane Sandy was real, and decided to buy some food to go along with your Costco-sized supply of alcohol, what did you buy? Did you buy frozen spinach and whole grain quinoa, or did you stock up on every non-perishable guilty pleasure indulgence you knew you would crave once trapped in your apartment? If you did the latter, you are probably experiencing "The Sandy Five," as the NY Times is calling it (we like to call it "The Sandy Seven," because... that's just more accurate, you know, for us).

One 31-year-old woman "recalled [her Sandy Diet] in horror"—it consisted of "Double Stuf Oreos, whole milk, Twix, Twizzlers, Sour Patch Kids... I can’t even talk about it—my jeans do not button." The Times declares that "in times of crisis, New Yorkers discovered, food fills an emotional need, not just a physical one." Indeed, the extra pounds you may be experiencing right now are due not only to the incredibly poor choices you made while filling your pantry, but also stress-eating, and boredom, and the scientific fact that eating doughnuts will actually make everything better. And what better time than a storm to find out if Doritos and French Onion Dip tea "sandwiches" would pair well with a jug of Carlo Rossi?

On the upside, at least you had food, unlike some people. And now you have an extra layer to protect you from this cold weather we're experiencing! But maybe now it's time to stop shoveling Rocky Road Ice Cream Soup with a Sprinkle Garnish into our mouth holes, because in just a couple of weeks we're entering the Holiday Tunnel of Chub, a non-stop eating thrill ride that won't let you off until 2013.