Tonight's the night—the Powerball jackpot's up to $1.5 biiiiiiiiiiilliioooooooon dollars, and if you played your cards right, you won't have to vote for Bernie Sanders, after all!

There's a 97 percent chance tonight's drawing will yield at least one winner, according to FiveThirtyEight. And it's possible YOU can be that lucky winner, just so long as you close your eyes and wish hard enough!

Here are some Powerball tips from the Internet, which is There For You when cold, hard cash is on the line:

According to the experts at Fox News, the key to scoring Powerball winnings is to buy as many tickets as you can afford. This makes perfect sense, obviously—if Americans buy about 1.008 billion tickets for today's drawing and if you cash in your savings and purchase, say, $8,000 worth of tickets, well, you've got 4,000 tickets, which is a sweet 0.0003968253968% of the drawing. If you sell all your belongings, you can probably knock a fraction of decimal point off those odds.
Don't worry if you have to cut corners now to afford more Powerball tickets, because you can buy all new stuff when you're rich! Frighteningly, people are actually taking this advice—one housekeeper in East Flatbush told the Post that she has "no groceries this week" thanks to her Powerball purchases.
There is a whole host of superstitions people hold about how to win the lottery, which include (but are not limited to): keeping an old iron key in your pocket while purchasing your tickets, using numbers from a fortune cookie, keeping a larger silver coin in your shoe while making your purchase, rubbing a bald man's head before buying, rubbing the lottery ticket on a pregnant woman's belly, and using numbers that came to you in a dream, which presumably is how The Beatles got their name. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose (but probably will).
This one website has 7 lottery tips "that really work!" which has about the same marketing structure as those vibrating weight-loss belts you supposedly wear around your waist to develop abs. One of those tips is literally "double check your numbers so you don't miss a win, so you know they're legit.
When buying your ticket at the deli, do not cut the line. The person you cut in front of will WIN. That's just science.

The drawing takes place at 10:59 p.m. tonight at a lottery studio in Florida, a state known for its integrity when it comes to overseeing events of national importance. Note that even if you do have the winning numbers, there's a good chance you'll have to share the cash with another human, and you'll definitely have to hand a big chunk of it over to Uncle Sam. You'll also probably spend the rest of your life locked in a black box of misery, but at least you'll be able to afford this gold donut.