Last night celebrated orator Ira Glass attended a performance of King Lear in Central Park. Starring John Lithgow in the title role, the tragedy—which some self-styled academics have slavishly praised as William Shakespeare's masterpiece—is a complete piece of crap, just like the rest of Shakespeare's overrated oeuvre. But that's just, like, Glass's opinion, man.

@JohnLithgow as Lear tonight: amazing. Shakespeare: not good. No stakes, not relatable. I think I'm realizing: Shakespeare sucks.
— Ira Glass (@iraglass) July 28, 2014

That's right, it's about time someone took this "Shakespeare" hack down a notch. And as if to emphasize that he wasn't trolling Twitter with some contrarian opinion based on a single Shakespeare production, Glass twisted the knife in the Bard's backside:

Same thing with the great Mark Rylance shows this yr: fantastic acting, surprisingly funny, but Shakespeare is not relatable, unemotional.
— Ira Glass (@iraglass) July 28, 2014

Remember when thousands of Shakespeare plays were performed around the world every year, then Ira Glass finally had the balls to stand up and call bullshit, and then humanity woke up and nobody had to sit through a revelatory production of The Tempest ever again? Sure, opinions are like glassholes, but never doubt that one fussy public radio host can change The Theatre forever.

We called Glass at the number we used when we interviewed him in 2007 and nobody picked up. He's probably busy crafting devastating tweets about how Ben Jonson #blows #monkeyballz. We also called up Philip Glass to see if he wanted to defend his fellow Glassian, and we'll update if we hear back. In the meantime, Jen Carlson is writing fanfic with Seymour Glass's reaction.

UPDATE: In an email, Glass (Ira, not Philip) writes, "Oh, that was something tweeted in the spur of the moment. I'm not sure, in the cold light of day, if I even believe it's true." Too late, Shakespeare's ruined forever!

And there's Twitter, which is built for this stuff:

"To be, or not to be. But what if you chose neither? A story in six parts. I'm Ira Glass."
— Tim Carvell (@timcarvell) July 28, 2014

Ira Glass: "Seems like Julius Caesar could have spared himself a lot of trouble just by checking Brutus' Twitter account."
— Christian Schneider (@Schneider_CM) July 28, 2014

Shakespeare: sucked. Arthur Miller: the worst. Sophocles: BARFocles. Edward Albee: more like Edward You'll Be Boring Me.
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) July 28, 2014

ALERT: if you let @iraglass troll Shakespeare pretty soon he's going to be trolling everything
— Matthew Zapruder (@matthewzapruder) July 28, 2014