Hello Brooklyn Lotto Player,

You are very busy, and we all get that. Buying a lotto ticket is so routine, a lot of the time you forget you're even doing it! Lotto tickets make great gum wrappers and provide filling for your pockets when you have no cash. Your wallet gets cold at night, so you stuff it with lotto tickets to keep it warm and make it feel important. "Someday I will have something to put in you," you whisper, adding hastily "Wow that came out skeevy as hell, but you know what I mean."

You know what is sometimes a fun activity? Checking the numbers on your lotto ticket. Almost exactly one year ago, one of you numbskulls bought a New York Lottery Cash4Life ticket at Milky Way Deli, located at 1669 Ralph Avenue. And would you know what? You purchased a winning lottery ticket. You bought a ticket worth $7 million, or after taxes, closer to $2 million and a handshake but still. And on July 24, that winning lotto ticket will expire.

According to NBC New York, the winning ticket matched all six numbers from the drawing, and they are: 05 - 20 - 35 - 43 - 48 and the Cash Ball number 03.

Does this ring a bell? Check your wallet. Check your shoes. Look under the condiments. Lift your tongue, and check under there. Check behind the pipes in the basement. Did you find the ticket? Are you the winner? Once you have stopped screaming, please call 518-388-3370 to figure out how and where to collect your lootcakes.

Congratulations on your win, and in the future, please be less negligent with your belongings and don't buy things you don't use.

Signed,
Common Damn Sense