Mary Lee the Great White Shark swam her way into our hearts and coastal waters yesterday, prompting the NY Post to go grasping for its panic whistle. There is a monster in our midst and WHAT is the government doing about it? WHO WILL PROTECT THE CHILDREN.

Mary Lee has been fitted with a tracking device, but "there is no system for relaying the tracking information to area parks departments," sources told the tabloid. "Instead, the only line of defense keeping swimmers out of the maneater’s mouth are the lifeguards — who aren’t even on duty until Memorial Day."

The reporters then went off to Robert Moses beach—nice work if you can get it—to collect quotes from terrified beach goers. “You couldn’t pay me to go into the water," said one. “If there’s one, there’s more,” said another.

What? No.

Chris Berger, the president of OCEARCH, a non-profit dedicated to great white shark research, had this to say about the panic:

Mary Lee is undoubtedly amazed and grateful for the number of people following her journey on the Global Shark Tracker App and website; it’s replacing fear with fascination though inclusion and an amazingly “social” shark named Mary Lee.
Hysteria is diminished by humanization and by science, which can now tell us that big sharks like Mary Lee have been cruising around crowded beaches for a very long time and clearly have no interest in humans. To put it in perspective, there are more toaster fatalities annually than shark attacks—yes, it’s more dangerous to make toast.

And don't forget—Great Whites have been bobbing around your favorite Cape Cod swim spots for at least a few years, and most locals—even regular surfers—have never come face to face with one in the water. Recently, the sharks have become more of a selling point than a threat.

“There’s a line in the movie, that if you yell ‘Shark!’ on the Fourth of July, we’re going to have a panic on our hands,” Kevin McLain, executive director of the Chatham Orpheum Theater, told the Times last year. “In Chatham now, you yell ‘Shark!’ in the middle of town, people come running to the beach, not away from it.”

Greg Skomal, a state marine biologist and shark specialist, added that humans are not sharks' first menu choice, since they lack the fat deposits of more appealing dining options like seals.

“Don’t be afraid of these animals just because every now and then they bite someone,” he said. “They’re important members of the ecosystem and we need to have them here.”