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'Now, Schneiderman was a guest on my show, so this is a little complicated for me to talk about. Just kidding, it's not complicated: Fuck you, Eric Schneiderman!'
"I'm a big comedy star/Hollywood executive, and I've found it's quite easy not to masturbate in front of my employees.'
This year's festival will take place October 6th to 16th at The Paley Center For Media in midtown Manhattan.
On Wednesday, the senate ended its legislative session by refusing to vote on the Child Victims Act, despite Governor Cuomo's repeated promise to survivors that this was the year the legislation would finally pass.
"This is what happens when you've abstained from your phone for nine days."
"In the end, the charmer-in-chief struck out harder than the douche-y guy at the bar who goes up to every girl in the room asking them, 'Are you a model? Because you should totally model.'"
"This kind of sounds like when an insecure guy tries to make his penis look bigger by shaving down everything else around it."
Sean Spicer "wants you to believe that these rogue deep-state infiltrators are poison-blooded Mole People and not just bland paper pushers who locked into government jobs with benefits."
She also said the Republican's Obamacare Lite bill ranked somewhere "between Cosby and O'Reilly" in terms of terrible bills.
"Take another cue from Taylor Swift, Mr. Speaker: know when to dump the guy you’ve only been pretending to like to help your career."
"More than experience, knowledge, or the ability to do a credible Paso Doble, the one quality that has mattered for Trump's hires is how quickly they can say yes to him."
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