It goes without saying that the term "hipster" is so vacuous and broad that it's become utterly meaningless, but let's face it, we all know a yupster when we see one. Rigorous scientific analysis by our in-house Demographics Unit suggests that the assailant seen here lunging at his victim in a Bed-Stuy liquor store is almost definitely an enraged yupster. What, was the Lucky Liquor store on Myrtle Avenue sold out of chilled Pinot Grigio?
Sorry. To back up, the NYPD is distributing these security camera images in an attempt to track down the alleged yupster, who punched and kicked an unidentified 61-year-old man before fleeing off into the night (to make the last screening of Antoine et Antoinette at Film Forum). The NYPD describes the suspect as a white male who was last seen wearing a black jacket, black jeans and grey sneakers.
Investigators are also searching for a young woman who witnessed the incident. She bears a passing resemblance to Lady Gaga, but police describe her merely as a white female with blonde hair, which is basically code for "hipster." Also, the incident happened Tuesday night around 11 p.m. not far from Pratt, so it's safe to assume she's an art student and he's a hotheaded collector with a sharp eye for young talent. (That lead's on the house, NYPD.)
Anyone with information in regards to this incident is asked to call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-577-TIPS (8477). The public can also submit their tips by logging onto the Crime Stoppers website or by texting their tips to 274637 (CRIMES) then enter TIP577.