Newsweek's cover story does not feature a female politician looking MILFy or crazy-eyed. Nor does it feature Don, Roger, Peggy or Joan. It actually has Jesus on it—as imagined as a present day man in Times Square. The headline reads, "Forget the Church, Follow Jesus," but the image really suggests, "Forget the Church, Follow Jesus To Urban Outfitters."

The cover story, about "Christianity in Crisis," is by Andrew Sullivan, who notes that things that make Evangelicals tick would, perhaps, "baffle Jesus of Nazareth":

The issues that Christianity obsesses over today simply do not appear in either Jefferson’s or the original New Testament. Jesus never spoke of homosexuality or abortion, and his only remarks on marriage were a condemnation of divorce (now commonplace among American Christians) and forgiveness for adultery. The family? He disowned his parents in public as a teen, and told his followers to abandon theirs if they wanted to follow him. Sex? He was a celibate who, along with his followers, anticipated an imminent End of the World where reproduction was completely irrelevant.