Today is Primary Day, which for predominately Democratic NYC essentially serves as the general election. For that reason, many New York voters who consider themselves more liberal than the mainstream Democratic party still register as Democrats. Sadly, if you didn't register back in August, it's too late to vote today. But if you are registered, today's your big day to participate in the political process! If you're lucky, you may even get a sticker to show everyone what an awesome citizen you are.

The polls are open until 9 p.m.—don't listen to the official New York City Campaign Finance Board website, which is mysteriously telling voters they close at 9 a.m.:

The main attraction, as you know, is Governor Cuomo's challenge from Zephyr Teachout, the invisible candidate whose name must never be spoken lest the chaotic forces of progressivism be unleashed upon Middle New York. Teachout is not expected to have a chance in hell, but it will be interesting to see how much of the vote she is able to take from the incumbent.

However, Teachout's running mate Tim Wu, a Columbia University law professor who coined the term "net neutrality," could maybe possibly upset Cuomo's candidate for Lieutenant Governor, Kathy Hochul, a former Congresswoman from Buffalo whom Wu dismisses as a conservative. If Wu wins, he'll appear on ballots with Cuomo in the general, which will be wonderfully awkward because Cuomo will have to stop pretending he doesn't know who Wu is. ("WU'S ON FIRST?" -- tomorrow's NY Post headline if Wu wins.)

There are also some elections for other offices, depending on where you reside; you can find out who's going to be on your ballot by entering your address here. In addition to candidates for the State Senate and Assembly, my ballot featured "Delegate to Judicial Convention - 50th Assembly District, Vote for any 6" which what the hell is that? Who are these people? I tried Googling and that was little help, so I just filled in the ovals to form an illustration of a rubber duckie and moved on. Does that make me a bad Democrat?

Find your poll site here.