With Wisconsin safely ceded to an alleged Zodiac Killer, human bag of Cheeto dust Donald Trump is turning his full attention to New York, a state that recently gave him a $302 property tax break even though he's "really rich." Tonight, America's Favorite Toupee is holding a rally on Long Island and it seems like things might get...a little crazy.

The rally, which will be held at 7 p.m. at Grumman Studios in Bethpage, is expected to draw at least 12,000 people. 18,000 have requested tickets, according to the Times, since New York, liberal as it seems within our carefully curated little metropolitan bubble of gentrification protests and sober raves, is still crawling with conservatives.

And Nassau cops are doubling down—"There will be no firearms permitted, all people going to the rally will be entering through metal detectors. That will be handled by the Secret Service. Additionally there will be no bags permitted into the facility," acting Nassau County Police Commissioner Thomas Krumpter said in a statement. It is unclear whether the no-gun rule is intended to protect Trump from the crowd or protect Trump supporters from themselves, but so it goes.

One of Trump's most vocal local supporters is Carl Paladino, a man who previously held the title for New York's craziest bigot before Trump galloped in and punched him in the face. Carl, obviously, liked it. "I think it’s just awesome, man," he told the Times. "New Yorkers — we’re ready. He’s our native son." Great.

Meanwhile, with Trump ready to set Long Island aflame, Ted Cruz will be in the South Bronx today to attend lunch with State Senator Reverend Ruben Diaz, a Democrat and noted homophobe. Cruz, it should be noted, is not a fan of our New York Values, but he does like our New York Votes (and New York Money)!

And John Kasich, who is still running for president, will host a Town Hall for veterans in Gowanus on Thursday. Tickets are free and available online for anyone looking for a quiet place to nap.