Ahh Times Square, the moral center of New York City, where drunken Santas commingle and TGI Friday's price gouges, where Cookie Monsters grope teen tourists and Weed Men get busted for selling drugs to Iron Men. We clutch our pearls at the idea of anybody disrupting this harmonious ecosystem—but according to the NY Post today, one disgusting fringe group has been doing just that, visually terrorizing children with their semi-exposed flesh. For there is no sight more loathsome and corrupting to children than that of the female body.

The Post tracked down a tour guide from Montana to be their spokesperson for this topless Hot Take: "They’re engaging in child pornography — that’s my biggest fear," said Brian Mathis, who gives middle schoolers tours of the city for the Montana-based Global Travel Alliance. Mathis was outraged after a 14-year-old and two friends broke off from one such tour this month only to find them ogling at the painted topless ladies: "I turned around and he was getting his photo taken. His little buddies were taking pictures of [the women]," Mathis said. "There was no question these kids were underage. There is no gray area. When I told the girl he was 14 years old, she said, 'It’s all right. We’re allowed to do this.'"

The harlot painted in the colors of the American flag was right: as has been covered extensively here, it is completely legal for women to walk around topless in NYC. But these women weren't even exactly topless: they were painted, possibly by artist and body painter extraordinaire Andy Golub, who has become a fixture of the area, even founding his own NYC Bodypainting Day event. If Mathis is outraged now, we can't imagine how he would have survived the '80s.

Anyway, the Post could only find one other person who had a problem with semi-nude women carousing in the same upstanding place where bus ticket sellers have stabbed each other over territory and Shia LaBeouf chased a homeless man for his McDonald's. Who doesn't come to Times Square for the culture?!?

But see, Mathis states farther down in the article (after the Post has riled up its easily manipulated readership's blood with the "child pornography" quote) the problem isn't the nudity—it's that teens don't have the mental capacity to consent to having their photo taken with costumed characters and other performers. Even though it isn't required that people pay them, and cops routinely walk the area informing tourists of that. This all seems stridently unlikely, just an excuse for the Post to rouse a nontroversey... but even if in the worst case scenario that does happen, is it really such a bad thing for a teen to get a taste of the real world hustlers they will encounter around NYC for the rest of their lives?

And all of this of course avoids giving any credit to those street performers themselves—because who among those desperate sinners could possibly resist fleecing a provincial teen for all they've got? "I don’t understand why the female body is detrimental to anyone," said performer Saira Nicole, who noted that she avoids kids who aren't with an adult. "Some parents give us their children to take pictures with. It’s fun. I held a 9-month-old baby for a photo the other day."

No word on whether the Post approached noted Times Square character witnesses Predator or Alien for comment.