Proving once again that raccoons truly are nature's assholes, an elderly Connecticut woman was bit when she mistook one such furry demon, who had wandered into her home, for her cat.
The 88-year-old victim heard her pet asking to come in around 11 p.m. yesterday, but when she opened the door, she had no idea it wasn't alone—unbeknownst to her, the stealthy trespasser also slithered its way inside. Thinking the fluffy creature sniffing around belonged to her, she went to pet it, but quickly realized her mistake when it wrapped its nasty teeth around her elbow, hand, forearm, lip and chin, the Hartford Courant reports.
The vile beast also charged at the two officers who arrived at the scene. The woman was hospitalized, treated and released. The raccoon was then euthanized, because this is what happens when you bite a stranger in the face. (Unless you do it on the GW bridge.)