Kickball is a fundamentally frivolous sport, but it's always fascinating to watch the interplay between its wax-haired champions and anyone who dares to interfere with Game Time.
If it's a temperate weekend in McCarren Park, know that the enticing patch of lawn on which you thought you'd recline is probably in coveted territory. This is a park, not some public space where you can just sprawl out whenever and wherever you want!
According to the tipster who shot the above video, two kickballers—one of whom was an organizer—did nicely ask "the hipster lady" to move out of their field of play. She declined with a set of hearty "fuck you's."
"It was unclear why she was so determined to sleep on that patch of grass. It seemed like she was standing up for some principle, although it is unclear what that principle is," wrote the tipster. At that point, the organizer returned and told the woman she had "20 seconds to get the fuck off the field before I start pegging you with this ball." That's the point at which the video begins to roll, which is rife with quotable moments. "Do you see the baseline here girlfriend?" the kickballer shouts. "You're the most selfish person in the world. Get the fuck out of here."
"Really loser?" she responds. "Get a fucking life, you think you own the fucking park?" She continues to dribble expletives as she settles back into the grass a few feet away, safely away from right field. It's a beautiful moment.
Kevin Dailey, the co-founder of Brooklyn Kickball, had a lot to say about the unfortunate incident.
We explained it was an athletic field, and we had a permit, but she wouldn't move. She was prostrate perpendicular to the right field line, in fair territory, and had a whole other third of the field to sleep in. But she didn't care. Also, putting aside that we had a permit, we toiled for hours in the morning clearing that field of water. You have to repeatedly push cold, large pools around the field with a squeegee, and it's hard work. The field was completely flooded, and we didn't labor so she - or anyone - could sleep where people are trying to play. She was a nuisance, and a haggard hazzard [sic]. I don't see the controversy - she had no case. ... Most people cooperate, but then, there are people like her insisting they share the park on their terms, and create their own human hazard. Also, she unnecessarily created a problem, as there was plenty of other space for her to sleep. She felt entitled, and cursed at us when we approached her twice, so we responded in kind. The only people truly entitled are the leagues with their names on the permit. ...
Many times, we allow people to do their thing as long as they don't interfere, and hopefully, there's no issue. But when people get nasty with us after we were polite to them, well, no one is running for Jesus here.
Here's a solution that would work for everyone: Put all the kickballs in a cannon and shoot them into the ocean.