Gentlemen, perhaps it's time to lay off the laptops for a a bit, or at least, laptops on your...laps, if you have any hopes of going forth and multiplying in this life. A new study found that semen placed under a WiFi-enabled laptop doesn't exactly swim fast and furious after exposure to electromagnetic radiation emitted by wireless signals.

Researchers from the Nascentis Center for Reproductive Medicine in Argentina took semen samples from 29 healthy men and placed them underneath the laptops. Four hours later, 25 percent of the sperm were no longer swimming around, and nine percent showed DNA damage (compared to 14 percent and three percent of non-laptoped samples, respectively). "Our data suggest that the use of a laptop computer wirelessly connected to the internet and positioned near the male reproductive organs may decrease human sperm quality," the scientists reported.

While this isn't the first time laptops have been linked to destroying sperm (and therefore THE FUTURE OF HUMANITY ITSELF), the president of the Society for Male Reproduction and Urology told Reuters to relax, saying, "This is not real-life biology, this is a completely artificial setting. It is scientifically interesting, but to me it doesn't have any human biological relevance." Oh, phew. So now all the dudes out there can safely go back to surfing porn online while swigging sperm-safe Mountain Dew.