When Senator Ted Cruz isn't busy dodging the California Department of Justice, he is running for president, blessing the rest of us with revealing tweets from his college roommate, impossible rumors about his sexual exploits, and debate snacks. Cruz has turned his attention to New York, indubitably his favorite city on Earth, and he just released this stellar TV spot attacking...Mayor de Blasio?

Zodiac Ted does not seem to be a fan of de Blasio. He thinks the Mayor's too soft when it comes to violating Muslim-Americans' constitutional rights; he launched a radio ad this week claiming that "De Blasio’s socialist policies are tearing this city apart," and he famously announced, "If Mayor de Blasio ever holds a press conference and says 'I agree with Ted,' that will be the instant I hang it all up and realize I've gone terribly, terribly wrong,'" so if we ever tire of Ted, we know how to take him down.

Zodiac Ted's assault against Bill's probably not going to win him points with New Yorkers—it's one thing for us to be critical about the mayor, but it's a whole other story when some yahoo from Texas throws shade at our town. But Ted's probably not trying all that hard to win New York, because he really can't—as a commenter once pointed out, Donald Trump might be a fascist buffoon, but he's our fascist buffoon, and he's tearing Ted a new one in the statewide polls right now.

What Cruz is still doing, of course, is trying to position himself as the anti-New York candidate, and to appeal to all the voters out there who hate Wall Street, liberalism, and good bagels. Still, the scaremongering here seems misplaced, and it certainly didn't work for Joe Llhota when he ran against de Blasio in 2013. Then again, we do have another mayoral election coming up next year, so perhaps Cruz hopes to bring his brand of financial pragmatism to Gracie Mansion if the White House dreams don't work out. Wouldn't that be fun!