As you have definitely heard by now, 100,000 dead fish went belly up last week on a 20 mile stretch along the Arkansas River, and then on New Year's Eve—just before the witching hour—thousands of red-winged blackbirds fell dead from the sky (also in Arkansas). But Arkansas is so far away and we live in New York City and we're all going to live forever and nothing can touch us. Well this thing is moving, people, and yesterday an estimated 500 red-winged blackbirds fell from the sky in Louisiana. Necropsies show that the birds suffered internal injuries that formed blood clots, which led to their deaths. As Louisiana local Denise Dickerson proclaimed: "This is really getting kind of crazy with the fish and the birds and these tornadoes hitting during the winter."

While the Gray Lady gave the story some ink yesterday, are New Yorkers even flinching at the news? Let's not wait until 100,000 pigeons fall dead on some precious Williamsburg rooftop garden—it's time to build a bubble over the city, because the last thing we want is the End of Days ruining our urban beekeeping (the bees themselves are already ruining that!). One Arkansas woman who was standing outside with the smoking crowd at a NYE party told the Times about her harrowing experience, saying, “One of [the birds] almost hit my best friend in the head. We went inside after that.”