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When Considering 'Governor Cynthia Nixon,' Never Forget 'Sex And The City 2'

Cynthia Nixon has been alluding of late to potentially challenging Governor Cuomo in 2018—last week the Wall Street Journal reported that liberal groups were encouraging Nixon to run, and this week she acknowledged to the Today Show that "a lot of people" would like her to run, but "coyly" neglected to deny that she would. Nixon's been an outspoken advocate of the public education system and, as the WSJ notes, her challenge to Cuomo would "spark fanfare," if not success. But Nixon should not run for governor, because Nixon agreed to be in Sex and the City 2, and there is something criminally wrong with the judgment of anyone who signed onto that horrific disaster.

Here is the rundown of Sex and the City 2, and though there will be spoilers ahead for those who have not yet seen it, note that the only thing that could ruin this movie is actually watching it. Carrie and Big have been married for two years following the complicated series of events from the first Sex and the City movie (which, while not good, was at least something you could watch without detonating your eyeballs), and now Carrie is worried they are becoming boring. Miranda, i.e. Future Governor Nixon, quits her job to be free. Charlotte is worried Harry will cheat on her with the nanny because breasts, and Samantha is having sex with a lot of men, as always.

The first half of the film is inoffensive enough, if you can get through the fact that Carrie still owns her old apartment from the show so she has a quiet place to write. Then, Samantha takes the ladies on an all-expenses-paid luxury trip to Abu Dhabi, in which, in the midst of an economic crisis, each woman gets her own private car and butler of color. The film then proceeds to spend its remainder berating the women of the United Arab Emirates for not banging as many men as loudly as Samantha does—an effort that, at one point, involves the SATC ladies singing "I Am Woman" at a hotel bar:

Then, Samantha gets arrested for hooking up with some Danish dude on the beach and they must FLEE Abu Dhabi, though the drama here is mostly that if they miss their flight they'll have to fly home in coach, a fate worse than death. The denouement here, I kid you not, involves Samantha tearing open her bag full of condoms and shrieking, "Condoms! I have sex!" in front of a bunch of men heading to prayer, but the SATC ladies are saved by a group of Abu Dhabi women who reveal they are wearing Dolce & Gabbana's spring collection under their burqas. What joy unfolds when Western culture wins out!

The film is deeply offensive, if not downright racist, and it is also unfunny and bad. I spent the entirety of it with my head in my hands (and I am not alone). It should never have been made. Cynthia Nixon read this script—which included gems like, "Wow, you have an actual camel camel toe,"—and decided it was a go. At some point in this movie, Cynthia Nixon says, "We've got a lot of Abu Dhabi to do. Abu-Dhabi-Do!" It does not appear that she suggested the script be shoved through an atomic shredder.

Indeed, Cynthia Nixon accepted money from a film that, as Lindy West aptly describes it, "takes everything that I hold dear as a woman and as a human—working hard, contributing to society, not being an entitled cunt like it's my job—and rapes it to death with a stiletto that costs more than my car," and a person who assisted in the creation of this cinematic calamity cannot be trusted to make decisions about statewide healthcare, taxes, education, and the MTA. Cynthia Nixon has made a lot of good movies and choices over the course of her career, but I will take Cuomo and Mayor de Blasio fighting over the subway for the rest of my fucking life rather than re-watch Sex and the City 2, and for that, Nixon must pay.

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