You know that heat wave that's been blasting New York City with its fiery rays for, I don't know, ever at this point? Perhaps last Monday, you stared into the deepest depths of the inferno and steeled yourself with the knowledge that this, too, shall pass. Well, let me just take my flame thrower to that thought, because this heat advisory has been extended: officially until 7 p.m., but possibly into infinity. Welcome to Swamp Town, friends! There's free sewer gator gumbo in the break room at 3.

According to the National Weather Service, a heat advisory will remain in effect until 7 p.m. this evening, when it may be washed out by thunderstorms and flash flooding. Notably, all that associated humidity could make it feel like 100-ish degrees out there, leaving us chumps to sizzle like human bacon on the city's skillet-like sidewalks. I'm as outraged as you are; somehow, some way, I got it into my head that today's temperatures would wallow in the stormy 70s. I breezed out the door wearing pants, of all things, and optimistically swinging a jacket. Weather, you win again. You always do.

This latest turn in the forecast comes as a special indignity after a weekend that saw flashes of almost chilly beach weather. (Remember Sunday??) Apparently, tomorrow's temps will drop into the 70s, which sounds nice except for that I don't believe it. I don't believe anything anymore.

Well, no, that's not quite true: I still believe in climate change, the real culprit behind this hot mess. The New York Times reports that normal temperatures at this time of year—late August to early September—land around 80 during the day and sink to the 60s at night. By contrast, in what's shaping up to be the 4th hottest year on record, the heat index at the U.S. Open in Queens Monday night clocked in at 95 degrees at 10:51 p.m.


Granted, today is no July 9, 1936, a way-too-hot record-setter at a staggering 106 degrees. But it's also not peak summer. It's September, a month that used to mean a gentle transition into fall. Now, I guess it means sudden collapse into the flaming sulfur pit roaring under our feet.

Anyway, this is all of us now (fast forward to 1:08 to feel seen):