You're forced to resign from Congress in the wake of an embarrassing sext scandalette, and then your surprisingly successful political comeback implodes after your old online paramours rears her leathery head. You lose the election, flip off reporters outside a McDonald's on primary night, and resurface on NY1's "Inside City Hall" to preserve some fragile simulacrum of relevance. Other than that, there's not much else to do. So on a gorgeous late-summer afternoon you take Danger, Jr. to the playground...
Sources tell Page Six that Anthony Weiner threw a bit of a tantrum at the Union Square park playground on Thursday. According to their "spy," someone (a child) did something inappropriate (peeing on a swing) and the mess was (briefly) left behind for everyone else to deal with, including former Congressional Representative Anthony Weiner who was reportedly shocked that anyone could behave in such an irresponsible manner. Apparently the kid's dad went to get something to clean the swing with, but returned to find Danger waiting.
"Thanks for leaving this thing soaking wet," Weiner reportedly said to the child's father, who replied, "It’s funny you’re the one talking about other people’s self-control." A hit, a very palpable hit! Unfortunately there's no cell phone video of the spat, but it sounds about right.
At least Page Six has a great photo of Weiner & Son leaving the playground together, with Big Weiner looking gloomy in his Mets cap (a perfect sartorial choice for when you want to turn a losing streak around) and Little Weiner glaring right at the camera with an expression that's simultaneously menacing and sad. We have no doubt that one day he will Google all of this stuff about his dad, and come for us in the night.
Anyway, the day after the playground tantrum you go on Geraldo Rivera's show to tell the world, "I'm not an idiot." Then you take selfies with Geraldo and go meet up with your agent to look over the contracts for your new reality show Danger Zone: Inside The Biggest Weiner. (The title's a work in progress; let's spitball in the comments.)