monthsa month since we've given any thought to the never-ending winter of 2013/2014 and that darn Polar Vortex which briefly turned us into paranoid maniacs. Our therapist says we've made a lot of progress since we considered going on a snowman mass killing spree, but we may have taken a major step back today when we saw this headline in the Post: "Brace yourself for another polar vortex — in September."
Yes, Accuweather's lead long-range forecaster (well actually, they refer to him as "AccuWeather Lead Long-Range Forecaster," ahem) Paul Pastelok is predicting that the polar vortex may make its return "for short, sporadic periods in September" in the Northeast, because God is dead and was replaced by Old Man Winter. "The vortex could slip at times, maybe even briefly in September for the Northeast," Pastelok said. "There could be a significant shot of chilly air that comes across the Great Lakes region and into the interior Northeast sometime in mid- to late-September."
This doesn't necessarily mean NYC will be affected, but it also doesn't necessarily mean we won't be drinking goblets of blood out of snowmen's skulls come late September. More importantly, of course: it's only August 9th, Pastelok is trying to predict weather patterns months ahead, and weather forecasting is an imprecise science at best (and a massive guess-how-many-jellybeans-are-in-the-jar game at worst), so take this all with a big grain of salt.
What we don't need to take with a grain of salt: this has been the coolest summer in the last decade. We've only had four days over 90, and there's been no heat waves (which is defined as three consecutive days of temperatures over 90) this year. "It wasn’t clear if it was going to be a hot or a cool summer," National Weather Service meteorologist David Stark told the Post. "We started out the year very cool and it seems like we just continued that. It doesn’t look like we have any heat waves in the near future."
So we might not have that crisp burnt sienna tan we'd like, but at least we've saved a bunch of money on air conditioning—even if some retail stores still haven't gotten with the program on that count.