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Warning: The Freezing Is Beginning

It me.
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It me. JKemperPhotography/Shutterstock

Having just issued a COLD ALERT for Thursday, I will not belabor the point (which is that The Weather plans to freeze you turkeys solid). Both Governor Amazon Cuomo and Mayor Bill de Blasio have prepared advisories on the impending temperature plunge and the havoc it may or may not wreak upon those of you attempting to travel on this very busy holiday.

"As New Yorkers gather with family and friends to celebrate Thanksgiving, Mother Nature will be sending extremely cold temperatures to join us this year as well," Cuomo said, warning of "snowy squalls" and icy roads upstate. "While we are watching this impending cold front very closely and making the necessary preparations, I ask that New Yorkers also do their part and make sure they take the proper precautions if they plan on venturing outside at all in the coming days."

Just to briefly recap, a cold front currently creeps toward the East Coast, having blustered its way from the West while chilling everyone and everything in its path. On Thanksgiving, temps will plummet into the 21-to-29-degree range, but thanks to merciless WIND, that will feel more like the high teens.

Cuomo recommends bundling up, wearing layers (which, as his press release notes, "can be removed to avoid perspiration and subsequent chill," so much chill) and covering your head, face, and hands while watching the annual balloon invasion. Take care not to overexert yourself when fighting against the gusts on your way to the subway, and please, for the love of all that is Weather, familiarize yourself with the signs of frostbite and hypothermia. This "Arctic Blast" is not playing around, and neither should you.

Should you decide or find yourself forced to spend any time outside, and should you desire minute-to-minute updates as to the cold snap's shenanigans, text THXGIVING18 to 692692: in return, you will receive alerts concerning weather, road closures, traffic delays, and related infos. The city expects that some 3.5 million human popsicles will crowd the streets for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, scheduled to begin at 9 a.m. when it will be only a measly 23 degrees or some such nonsense. Perhaps consider watching the televised version indoors instead, or spending that time bringing whatever surplus warm things you might have to a local donation site: While shelters will be beefing up their intake and promise not to deny entry to anyone experiencing homelessness, capacity will be stretched.

BDB's office reports that the situation is already spiraling into icy tundra territory, so no time like the present to make a plan for sheltering in place. Gather your rations, stockpile your blankets, secure the cocoa, and look out for each other!

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