Depending on what report you read, bonuses on Wall Street are either falling or rising, depending on base pay. But the sad, salient truth is the same: people who are paid enormous sums of money to move other people's money around will only make slightly less money this year. "I don't believe the typical bonuses, as we used to know them, exist anymore," the CEO of Shaffer Asset Management told the Post, which is strange because we always remember them being sickeningly high.

JP Morgan's bonus pool declined by 2% since last year, and according to the analysts at Options Group, one in five Wall Street workers won't receive a bonus at all. Some employees were even fired in the third quarter of this year for the explicit purpose of not having to pay out a—hmm, you seem unmoved.

Yes, little Francisco Caspian Fluke, IV may have to endure toys purchased at an actual toy store this holiday season, but those in finance still have plenty to be thankful forgripe about: according to the Wall Street Journal the average salary for those working in the securities industry has actually been increasing, and last year it reached $362,950.