Last night, The Daily Show finally took up NYC's most controversial issue that is tearing apart communities. No, not stop-and-frisk (though it's been tackled by the program)—let's talk about the issue that's getting old white ladies really riled up: Citi Bike.

After looking at news footage reporting how bike share is already on the streets of Barcelona and Paris, Stewart said, "We have basically imported Europe's most boring idea!" Then he adopted his New York wiseguy persona, "Hey, I've got a f*cking idea—why don't you keep your f*cking Louvre and your progressive attitude toward sexual freedom—just give me your f*cking bikes! That's what we want!" Also: "First of all, the idea of New Yorkers sharing anything—except for sexually transmitted diseases—is whackadoo."


Then, after realizing that some Citi Bike riders may not even know how to bike and that no helmets are required, Stewart muttered, "A lot of people are going to die," and came up with a money-making idea:

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The Daily Show also tried to examine the extreme hatred NYC bike share has aroused. Stewart mocked the complainers, "Oh, they're not safe. They don't work. Looks like shit. Blah blah blah—you know we used to say the same thing about the Irish! And look at them now—they're running the joint!" He also singled out everyone's new favorite bike share troll, Dorothy Rabinowitz, "There's just f*cking bikes. Slow down, Lady Hungers Games—or should I say Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial board member of The Wall Street Journal."


Correspondent Al Madrigal spoke to people in the West Village (who hate it) and also in Bedford Stuyvesant, where residents hate it because it's not there. "Ain't no Citi Bike in the hood," one man said, who responded to the suggestion that he could take the subway instead, "The J train? The J TRAIN? Where the f*ck am I gonna go on the J train?" Touche.