Stephen Colbert returned after a few days hiatus due to Hurricane Sandy, tackling the political ramifications of the storm while encouraging viewers to donate to Red Cross to help with relief efforts. For his part, Colbert already has a plan to get things back to normal: "The MTA reported that Sandy flooded seven subway tunnels under the East River, which means it could be weeks before they're able to restore the scent of urine. That's why I am calling on NY drunks to head into the subway and release their strategic bladder reserves." If you get Manhattan wet, does it void the warranty?

Then Colbert turned his attention toward the political landscape: "Yes, all across the country, people were frantically texting their loved ones: 'Your father and I are so worried, have you seen the latest tracking polls of undecided women in Ohio?'" And boy has Sandy had a heavy toll on Mitt Romney and his bromance with NJ Gov. Chris Christie: "Oh come on! You're praising Obama just because he declared NJ a disaster area? Johnny Carson did that for 30 years!"

"The hurricane agenda is to make the federal government look necessary," Colbert noted. But there are upsides to a Romney-led administration which doesn't force you to rely on Big Government: "You'd be rescued by private sector volunteers like Paul Ryan, who will personally come to your devastated town, and wash your already clean pots."

And Colbert made sure to bring up the fact used car salesman Donald Trump extended his heartwarming act of extortion against Obama for another couple days. So Colbert naturally extended his own offer to give $5 million to charity if Trump will let him dip his balls in his mouth.

He also spoke with woman's equality activist Lilly Ledbetter, and apologized for bringing her here for the show on Sunday (she's stayed in three different hotels since arriving): "Please come back again when facilities are in the 20th century."