Earlier this month, a little monkey wearing a smart coat was found wandering around an Ikea in Toronto, Canada. We'll never know whether Darwin the monkey was looking for a Stenstorp kitchen cart or a Klingsbo coffee table, but we do know he won't get to crawl around any Expedit shelving systems this Christmas: A judge has ruled that the monkey must stay at the sanctuary where it is now being held until at least mid-January. “How would you feel to see your child in a cage and be with him outside the cage?” said owner Yasmin Nakhuda’s husband, Sam, outside court.

Justice Michael Brown denied a request for weekend visitation away from the sanctuary, but said the family could visit him there—but the Nakhuda's were not having that. Sam told reporters that visiting the sanctuary would be “damaging to Darwin. I don’t know if human beings are capable of understanding this. I don’t know if the judge is capable of understanding this,” he said. “Darwin is not a dog, he’s not a cat, he’s not lizard. He’s 93 per cent human DNA.”

The judge definitely didn't understand that point: he called Darwin “personal property” and “not a human being,” and said the focus would be on “preserving” the property until a later date. Nakhuda was fined $240 (Canadian dollars) for keeping a prohibited animal. Barring any 'N Sync-inspired holiday miracles, it seems this'll be a sad one for Darwin. But at least he can take comfort in knowing that Andy Serkis is doing everything he can to change hearts and minds about monkeys.