Donald Trump's ascension to the Oval Office was made inevitable on Monday, September 28th, 2015 A.D. during a private, powerful prayer ritual conducted behind closed doors in one of the sacred towers that bears his name. The ceremony, which culminated in the self-proclaimed "Jewish Jesus" Rabbi K. A. Schneider placing his hand over President Trump's face, was documented on YouTube for future generations, so that they may commemorate the exact place and time when the holy Trump presidency was secured: reports that the spiritual masters in attendance included: Nativity scene lamenter Jan Crouch, Paula White, Agents of the Apocalypseauthor Dr. David Jeremiah, Charismatic Movement leader Kenneth Copland, Darlene Bishop, Kingdom Connection host Jentezen Franklin, Jewish Jesus Rabbi Schneider, Clarence McClendon, George "Demon in My Bedroom" Bloomer, Darrell Scott, Steve Munsey, RD Scott, Bishop Mark Burns and Lady Tomarra Burns. Join the latter two spiritual figures in REJOICING* over the forthcoming Trump Presidency, destined to make America great AGAIN:

*All those who fail to adequately rejoice will be rounded up in a nice, humane way.