Like a star-studded gangster turd released in January, the MTA continued the time-honored tradition of bearing bad news when we're least likely to remember it by making the fare hike official last week while everyone was more concerned with adding more rum to the nog. Luckily, these fare hike-themed Christmas carols will bring a smile to your face even as Father Turnstile picks your pocket. Now you'll always associate the Great Fare Hike of 2013 with Jimmy Stewart, crappy office get-togethers, and schmaltzy songs you heard thirteen thousand times as you waited in line at Starbucks.


The carols, sung by Occupy Wall Street protesters on Christmas Eve, are still grating ("Carol" originates from the Latin root "Carare," which means "To disembowel with a holly leaf.") but the lyrics, written by Ingrid Burrington (who gave an impassioned speech against the fare hikes at an MTA public hearing last month) are sobering. Take this verse from their version of "Jingle Bells":

(Verse) Interest rates on bonds can be variable or fixed.
Variable rates can carry greater risk.
To mitigate the costs, banks offer interest swaps
It seemed like a good idea but it's really really not

(Chorus) Two-thousand-eight was not so great for the economy
But interest rates were lowered quite dramatically
So MTA pays interest at four point five percent
Banks return at one point six and pocket the difference

See you snapped your candy cane there—intrigued? You can read an excellent primer on how the MTA got swindled into putting on its own "golden handcuffs" here. Our personal favorite is "God Rest Ye MTA Chairman" (1:55 on above video). Next Hike Season we're hoping for "What Fucking Fare Hike Is This?" or "It Came Upon A Few Sparsely Attended Public Hearings" or "Oh Holy Shit This Can't Happen Again."