Stephen Colbert has reviewed all the evidence as it pertains to the disturbing, covered-up death of Staten Island Chuck/Charlotte, and come to the only conclusion possible: it was a massive conspiracy. Below, watch his gripping report on clairvoyant animals, mob-style executions, and elephant pay-offs: "It was a coldblooded groundhog hit job straight out of WoodFellas."

"At the time that de Blasio dropped him, it seemed like an accident, but think about it," Colbert said during a segment this week. "Staten Island was the only borough that de Blasio lost in the mayoral election. So clearly he responded the only way Staten Island understands: with a mob-style execution of their most beloved resident.”

Whether or not we ever find out just how far up the ladder this conspiracy goes, there's certainly no doubt the incident has damaged de Blasio's approval ratings amongst Staten Islanders and the groundhog community.