It's unclear what, if anything, this has to do with rescuing the princess, but the Super Mario Bros. roughed up a cab driver on Staten Island on Halloween. They were caught on video by a gas station surveillance camera, and the whole thing would be a lot more amusing—the Post calls it a "joystick-up"—if these bastards weren't actually, you know, beating somebody up. (Or if the driver was dressed like a turtle.)

Police are on the lookout for the Mario and Luigi impersonators and two other costumed men. The driver says the fight started after one of the assailants tried to reach into his pocket after he drove them home shortly after 4 a.m. on November 1st. The driver pulled into a gas station on Arthur Kill Road and asked the suspects to pay the fare and exit the vehicle. Instead, they flipped out just like stereotypical Italian-American plumbers on mushrooms, then fled with an unspecified quantity of gold coins.

Anyone with information about the case is being asked to contact Crime Stoppers by calling 1-800-577-TIPS, where operators are standing by for your crank calls.