With the next GOP debate scheduled for mid-November, last night was the candidates' only chance for weeks to stand out so that the people who will be voting for them can remember who the hell they are. While most analysts expected a Herman Cain pile-on given his Viagra-like rise in the polls, it was Mitt Romney and Rick Perry who fought like two guys waiting to test-drive the same Audi.

Perry began his introduction, saying he was "an authentic conservative—not a conservative of convenience," a swipe at Romney because he is literally a pandering cyborg. Later, Perry brought up the fact that Romney had "hired illegals," and this is when tempers flared. If the two men had been in a country club, they TOTALLY would have been asked to tone it down a little.


Romney later added, "I suggest that if you want to become president of the United States, you have got to let both people speak," forgetting that incomprehensible shouting is in fact the offical language of the United States.

A fact-check analysis of the debate by the AP shows that Romney did in fact hire illegals by way of his landscaping company, a rare and shocking revelation that nearly brought the nation to its knees when it was released in 2007. Naturally, Perry's campaign is looking to capitalize: “This is the start of Romney vs. Romney. We’ll have him debating himself before this is over,” a Perry advisor tells Politico.

Rick Santorum (yes, that Santorum) was fiestier than usual, pointing out that Mitt Romney's Massachusetts health care plan was the basis for "Obamacare," and insisting that the governor had "no credibility" when it came to repealing the health care legislation. But because he's polling hopelessly low, Santorum's best bet may be to change his name to "Rick Parry."