"Is that a puppy in your pants or is your groin just panting uncontrollably?" We have to hope somebody asked the man in the below security footage that age-old question after he stuffed a one-pound, nine-week-old Pomeranian puppy into his boxers and walked out of a pet store in Elmont because, wow. Yes, that designer dog was worth more than $1,000 but still, stuffing a furball into one's pants is just redonkulous!

According to the owners of the Zoorama pet store this seems to have been a premeditated theft, too. Well, not the dog part—just the stealing. The alleged dognapper had an accomplice, see:

One man was meant to serve as a distraction, [owner Harsha] Perera explained. He asked Perera's son about a pug. While he was doing that, the other guy went up to the front of the store and tried to break into the register. It was locked. "He tried three times in the course that they were here," Perera said.

Eventually the guy gave up and set his eyes on the 9 week old Pomeranian.

Because when you can't get cash, a canine will do? Ugh, we haven't been this upset about an animal napping since that bunny went missing in SoHo.