A New Jersey man and his unnamed companion did almost everything right on May 3rd when they saw two big ass bears fighting each other out on the lawn. Namely, Frankford Township resident Corey Bale noticed something remarkable and immediately took video (from a safe distance, but demerits for not holding the phone sideways!) while he and his buddy commented with appropriate awe. Sound on for this one:

Buddy: "Look at the size of them. Video that!"
Corey: "Look at those son of a bitches."
Buddy: "Get ready to get in the house."
Corey: "Right in the front yard."
Buddy: "Oh my God"
Corey: "Holy shit."
Buddy: {ALARMED} "Get ready to come in Cor!" {Exit Buddy}
Corey: "I'm comin'... Fuck that, I'm comin' in."

And scene. It's unclear which bear won the fight, but the real winner here is Corey Bale and his friend, who got safely inside the house before the bears came to their senses and decided to fight the real enemy: Facebook's monetization of life's most precious moments.

Bale told NJ.com he believes the bears were fighting over a third female bear who was hiding behind a nearby shed, and is not seen in this video. "When I went out to look, I actually heard the bears’ jaws hitting together as they were fighting and growling at each other,” Bale said.

It's important to note that we would not be enjoying this gnarly bear brawl video were it not for the assistance of Bale's friend Jill, who, according to a comment Bale posted on Facebook, was instrumental in bringing his gripping short film to a wider audience. "For those of u who wanted to share this, I made it sharable," Bale wrote. "And yes I had help cause this technology is not for me. Thank you for your help Jill Space."

Mr. Bale, if you're listening, please know you're not alone—this technology is not for us either. But we would like to hire you and your companion to enhance our lives by narrating more incidents, like when we just miss the F train or trip on a piece of sidewalk or purchase questionable Duane Reade sushi for lunch.

Buddy: "Look at the size of California roll. Video that."
Corey: "Look at those expiration dates son of a bitches."
Buddy: "Get ready to get in the bathroom."
Corey: "Right in the front yard."
Buddy: "Oh my God"
Corey: "Holy shit."
Buddy: {ALARMED} "Get ready to come in the bathroom Cor!" {Exit Buddy}
Corey: "I'm comin'... Fuck that, I'm comin' in."

The world needs more Corey Bale narrated content. Please make it happen, Jill Space.