Whenever we try to think about the problems the country faces our head starts to hurt and we crave chili fries. This is why corn-dog scarfing cyborg Michele Bachmann is sure to win the presidency in 2012: she offers simple explanations to complicated problems. Just a few days ago, Bachmann told us that when she's president, she'll lower the price of gas to $2 gallon. How? Shut up, that's how! So we were relieved when we heard Bachmann's explanation at a campaign appearance in Florida this weekend for why the Northeast has been hit with a Hurricane and an earthquake in less than seven days. HINT: He's omniscient and bearded and was named-dropped a few times at last night's VMAs.
Her spokesman later told TPM that, "Obviously, she was saying it in jest," but in fairness, everyone laughed at Marcus Bachmann when he said he could counsel the gay out of people, and look how successful he's been. Besides, it's not as if Bachmann has used the "God" bit before.
Bachmann has got some pretty tough competition when courting Godly folk in Texas Governor Rick Perry, whose solution to everything from draught to pancakes is prayer. And let's not forget the Stormin' Mormon Mitt Romney, whose God has imbued him with the biblical vision of a bigger mansion with 11,000 square feet and the holiest of hot tubs. (Jon Huntsman believes in global warming and evolution, and is therefore a Godless fiend.)