Earlier this week, Jon Stewart expressed regret that he got blindsided by pushups when biographer Paula Broadwell appeared on The Daily Show last winter, to the point that he didn't pick up on the fact she had been having an affair with CIA director and four-star general David Petraeus. Last night, Stewart was flabbergasted by the widening scope of the investigation into the affair ("high school lunchroom table gossip"). He was especially amazed by the apparently intoxicating sexuality of other other woman, Jill Kelley. "What does this woman smell like? Is it a heady mixture and ambrosia and crack? Is she the spawn of Marilyn Monroe and a bottle of axe body spray?" As John Oliver suggested, maybe it's time the military banned all heterosexuals. Watch below.