Earlier this week, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services announced that health insurance companies will no longer be able to charge co-payments, co-insurance, or a deductible for women’s preventive services, including birth control. But on his show last night, Stephen Colbert waded through all the socialist double-speak to get at the heart of why the Affordable Care Act is so very wrong: "A woman's health decisions are a private matter between her priest and her husband." Watch the hilarious segment below:

As an alternative to birth control, which he notes will wipe out humanity just as a bowl of free condoms wiped out the dinosaurs, Colbert suggests people instead use the age-old American tradition of cold loveless marriages to prevent childbirth. Since women are "always on the edge of nymphomaniacal orgiastic abandon," free birth control will be like other frivolous impulse buys: "You know the ladies, they're always pumping out breast milk, getting a mani/pedi, having a cosmo with their abuse counselor, then picking up some spermicidal froyo."

Worst of all, the new initiative means that the insurance companies aren't focused on covering their most important product: boner pills. After all, "how else are we supposed to sexually satisfy the army of flesh-thirsty young sluts Obama is creating with your tax dollars?"

But will the new act mean that, once they're on the market, male birth control pills will also be fully covered by insurance companies?