Last night, "in a surprise twist," Stephen Colbert shared part two of his visit to Occupy Wall Street, in which he tries to make his Colbert Super PAC "playaz" with the "occupyaz." The story picks up right where it left off Monday, up in Colbert's penthouse hotel suite overlooking Zuccotti Park, where the host tries his best to persuade two Occupy Wall Street representatives to agree to a "co-occupation"—with Colbert as the new leader of this "cult."
Colbert explains that he needs "boots on the ground" to promote his Super PAC, and he pulls out all the stops to seduce the OWS reps, Ketchup and Justin, into letting him co-opt the movement. After bringing in a masseuse, ordering room service, and popping the champagne, he tells them that in exchange for his money and exposure, all he wants is to tweak their message a tad. For instance, instead of divisive slogans like "Corporations Are Not People," how about "Corporations Are NOW People?" But when Ketchup—who earlier identified herself as "female-bodied"—refuses to acknowledge that corporations are people too, Colbert unloads:
The Supreme Court has ruled that corporations are people, therefore they are. And you saying they're not is dehumanizing a person. Do you understand how you're the monster? It just seems pretty racist of you to say, 'Oh, certain people don't get to be people.' Are they three-fifths of a person? Do you understand how ugly that sounds? Hey boy, where's my shrimp?!
Colbert's unctuous pitch wraps with him promising to help Occupy Wall Street televise the revolution. "Let's let the little man ROAR," Colbert urges. "I'm a big man that's gonna help you do that!" Unfortunately, Justin rebuffs Colbert's money and influence, explaining that one of the things Occupy Wall Street is against is the "undue influence of money in politics. For us to accept large donations from you or anybody would be recreating that problem." At press time, Occupy Wall Street had raised over half a million dollars in NYC alone.