So far, the most notable thing about NJ Gov. Chris Christie's laughable blip of a presidential campaign has been an essay he wrote about his passionate love for Born To Run. Christie is running the single least notable campaign among a sea of unnotable Republican candidates not named Trump. But he's doing whatever he can to get his message to the people, even if it means that message is a strangled metaphor about treating immigrants like FedEx packages.

"You go online, and at any moment, FedEx can tell you where that package is. It’s on the truck. It’s at the station. It’s on the airplane," Christie said while campaigning in Laconia, New Hampshire this morning. "Yet we let people come to this country with visas, and the minute they come in, we lose track of them. So here’s what I’m going to do as president: I’m going to ask Fred Smith, the founder of FedEx, to come work for the government for three months, just come for three months to Immigration and Customs Enforcement and show these people."

This is likely Christie's way of differentiating himself—and the future policies he will never get the chance to enact—from Trump and his plan for a very classy, very sturdy Mexican border ("The Great Wall Of Trump"). At the same time, Christie's desperate bid for attention makes him seem even more Trump-like, with his blustering rhetoric and incomprehensible machismo. We can't wait until Christie suggests that Joe Torre be appointed honorary NYPD commissioner.

"We need to have a system that tracks you from the moment you come in," Christie continued. "Then when your time is up...then we go get you, tap you on the shoulder and say 'Excuse me, thanks for coming, time to go.' That would cut 40 percent of the problem we’ve developed over the last 30 years."

For what it's worth, Chris Christie will never be president, so don't worry about it.