Earlier today we saw Republicans from New York and New Jersey rip into Speaker of the House John Boehner and his colleagues, who scrapped the $60 billion Hurricane Sandy relief bill, but those tirades turned out to be but a gentle prelude to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie's complete evisceration of the GOP's Congressional leadership. "There's only one group to blame for the continued suffering of [Sandy] victims, the House majority and their speaker, John Boehner," Christie said. "Our people were played last night as a pawn. That's why people hate Washington DC," Christie said, moments before breaking a live hyena in half over his knee and wiping streaks of blood underneath his eyes.


Christie laid the blame squarely at Boehner's feet, claiming that the House leader wouldn't even return his calls. "I called the Speaker four times last night after 11.20. He didn't take my calls," Christie said. When asked by a reporter about his eventual conversation with Boehner, the governor basically called him a liar:

I won't get into my conversation with the Speaker, but I will tell you there's no reason to believe anything they say...There is no reason for me to believe any of the stuff they've been telling me, because they have been telling me stuff for weeks.

Reuters is reporting that House Majority Leader Eric Cantor was prepared to bring the bill to the floor for a vote, but was blocked by Boehner, who sources claim was getting back at his deputy for the Fiscal Cliff Plan B Mutiny that occurred last month. All of this Congressional intrigue will surely be of interest to those living along the coast of New York and New Jersey, just as soon as they pick up the shattered pieces of their lives.

Boehner is insisting that he will bring the bill to the floor this month, but word on the Hill is that Mr. Speaker needs to curl up into an oiled catcher's mitt with a carton of Winstons and take a nap.