We're over the halfway point of 2013, which means we're inching closer and closer to Mayor Bloomberg kicking all of us ungrateful plebs to curb, hopping on a plane to Bermuda, and kicking back with some watered-down Big Gulps. Bloomberg passed another major marker on his Farewell NY tour yesterday when he presided over the official Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog-Eating Contest weigh-in ceremony, as he begrudgingly has for the past decade. And he went out in style this year with his most painfully punny speech ever! Skip ahead to 3:00 into the video to watch him cram 15 hot dog puns into one poor sentence.
Here's the full transcript of the gloriously corny sentence below:
Let's be frank: tomorrow on a dog day afternoon, in a tradition New Yorkers relish, and that's certainly not for the thin-skinned, we'll see if anyone can ketchup to Joey and the Black Widow, cut the mustard without landing in hot water or getting grilled by the judges or embroiled in a scandal, and steam the competition, roast their rivals, kick everyone's buns, and be declared best-in-show, top dog, and weiner of the contest.
Unlike last year, Bloomberg was able to hold himself back from wondering out loud, seriously, who wrote this shit. Instead, he poked fun at that slip-up: “Now before you ask me who wrote this sh—shrewd prose, let me just say, speeches are like sausages: It’s better not to see them being made.”
The NY Times got a little nostalgic today, recounting all those ceremonial events Bloomberg grinned-and-beared during his administration. It's pretty clear he has had a lot more fun hanging with "great coroporate citizens" like Nathan's than, ya know, actual human beings. So let's all savor these moments—we may never see him hugged by a hot dog again.