With Netflix breaking the back of the working man, and Time Warner content to remain a cold, unkind monopoly, Verizon is attempting to distribute justice/FiOS to the denizens of Flatbush. But what if all those delicious channels and movies came with the price of a 20-foot eyesore that may or may not transform you into a fetus encased in an orb of light?

The Times reports how the residents of the historic Flatbush neighborhood of Fiske Terrace-Midwood Park, located next to two of the city's best public schools, are fighting to remove two 20-foot fiberglass poles installed by Verizon that are supposed to allow the cables under and above ground a place to "interface," but instead are drawing comparisons to the Kubrick classic. "The neighbors started gathering around it like it was the monolith in '2001,'" says an Episcopal priest and resident of the neighborhood for 11 years. Another neighbor agrees that the structures are as out of place, as if they were placed in front of a cave at the time of the genesis of human evolution: "They look nothing like anything around them. They are out of character with the neighborhood."

As the paper reports, there are already identical poles in Fort Greene, and Verizon refuses to divulge how many are in the city because it would provide valuable information to its alien competitors. But Verizon failed to gain approval for the poles from the Landmarks Preservation Commission—which designated the neighborhood as "historic" in 2008—so the residents may have a strong case against the telecom company. "Both parties are focused on ensuring that these facilities are placed in a manner that is appropriate for these historic districts," a Verizon rep says. And a spokesperson from the Landmarks commission claims, "We expect a resolution soon."

Perhaps someone should inform the residents of the quaint enclave that they're actually living in 2011, or that they're all dead anyway so just enjoy the FiOS.