Usually, the only controversies we hear regarding the New York Public Library and its many branches involve patron's porn viewing habits or the overwhelming popularity of mommy porn. But an Upper West Side man claims he was rudely kicked out of the NYPL three years ago because of his terrible body odor—and now he wants $5.5 million in olfactory compensation.

George Stillman, 80, is stinkin' mad that he was discriminated against by the librarians at the St. Agnes branch on Amsterdam Avenue (near 81st Street). Let's dive into his lawsuit, via the Post:

  • Stillman claims he didn't smell, and whatever he did smell like stemmed from the library’s restrooms, not him, because he doesn't smell.
  • But he's not the only one who smelled that day—he “found the branch manager to be giving off an odor but never objected, understanding that such a challenge to the senses was just a fact of life in the city.” See, smelling is a fact of life, not that Stillman is saying he smells, because he doesn't smell.
  • But this is all besides the point, because he claims NYC was recently declared the “smelliest city in the country,” so why can't we all tolerate each other's natural odors? For what it's worth, while NYC definitely has smelly blocks, we don't know where he came up with that smelliest city thing. Everyone knows Los Angeles is smellier.
  • “It’s not about the amount of money; it’s about standing up for your rights.” It's about that, and the fact that Stillman doesn't smell, and he needs you to know this.
  • But seriously, Stillman doesn't smell, he never has, no one has ever complained about him smelling—he may be the least smelly man in America: “The only time I had an odor was when I was doing long-distance running and I was sweating,” Stillman told the Post. “I’ve got no body odor.”

About that last point: if Stillman wanted to prove to the Post that he is the least smelly man in America, he failed miserably. "When a reporter visited Stillman, she also noticed a strong odor. The Korean War veteran blamed his apartment and opened his door and a hallway window."