Residents of an Upper West Side co-op are suing a church for music "so intense it literally rattles the windows and causes vibrations in the walls." According to the Post the lawsuit claims that the parties held in St. Volodymyr Cathedral, which rents out its space for events, cause "unbearably loud noise and vibrations" and that it should pay $5 million in damages. It's unclear whether the lawsuit acknowledges the fact that Jesus Christ indeed turned water into subwoofers.

"We've asked nicely," co-op resident Deanne Eagle said, referring to the organization that only takes orders from an omniscient deity, “We’ve done everything we can to talk to them neighbor to neighbor. It keeps happening. Filing a case is just a last ditch effort.” But a neighborhood super told the paper that one of the priests from the Ukrainian Orthodox Church told him that they need the revenue to stay afloat. Also: baptisms are more fun with foam.