Update 10:45 p.m. The night ends just as we all expected—with Trump insulting Rosie O'Donnell.

I think we all know who "won."

(As an aside, between getting the fact-checking website up and sending out some rapid fire relevant tweets, Clinton's social media team did a very good job tonight.)

Anyway, here's the sniffing supercut of Howard Dean's dreams.

Update 10:30 p.m. Someone called Sean Hannity.

We're all having a very winning, very temperamental time.

Except maybe the Lawrence, Kansas police department.

Trump is very good at interrupting and belching and waving his hand like a particularly down on his luck children's magician, but Lester Holt is not very good at keeping each candidate to their allotted answer time. "Hillary has experience, but she has bad experience," Trump says as he goes on about Clinton not having the stamina (or looks) to be president.

Update 10:20 p.m. "I prepared for this debate," Clinton says at one point. "And you know what else I prepared for? I prepared to be President." That is the best line of the night so far, give or take the incredibly strange noises (guttural utterances?) that Trump seems to be heaving into his microphone.

Trump pats himself on the back for getting President Obama to release his birth certificate. Why then did he continue bringing up the issue in the years since? Um.

"Just listen to what you heard," Clinton says once Trump is done doubling down on nothing.

Why did Trump have to bring Law & Order into this? Jerry Orbach did nothing to him. He donated his eyes, for crissakes! Let him rest in peace.

Yo La Tengo are here to defend the reputation of Newark Airport.

I know what you're all wondering. How good is Trump's 10-year-old son at the computer? Is he so good? Is he the very best good? Answer:

We haven't even mentioned the 400 lb hacker in the room.

Howard Dean has picked up on the sniffing conspiracy:

Incidentally: has anyone seen Lester Holt lately? After disappearing for the better part of the last 30 minutes, he comes to life pointing out that Trump did support the Iraq War. Is there any sweeter sound than a human tomato lamenting, "Why didn't they call Sean Hannity?"

Update 9:50 p.m. Watching a notably tired and sniffily Trump trading niceties with Clinton for the opening of the debate, I wonder: How did we get here? How are we really here right now? And that was before the yelling started.

Oh, the yelling.

To his credit, Donald does seem to have turned the tint down on his tan from "cheeto" to "unripened clementine." But it feels like Clinton has been far more in control of the conversation, with Trump interjecting pithy comments ("It's all words, it's all soundbites") in flustered attempts to take back the wheel. Clinton noted early on that her website would be fact-checking Trump in real time, and she has consistently pointed out his lies and contradictory quotes. The only time things seemed to work in Trump's favor was when he brought up Clinton's deleted emails (which Clinton directly addressed and apologized for at one point).

It's gotten to the point that Trump's team is deleting his Tweets as the debate goes on and Clinton calls out more and more of his own words.

Otherwise, Clinton has gotten the best lines, and called out a lot of mistruths: "Donald, I know you live in your own reality." "I kinda assumed there would be a lot of these charges and claims." "Saying more crazy things." And when Clinton jokes about Trump blaming all the world's ills on her, he interjects, "why not."

Clinton went after Trump for not releasing his tax returns ("there's something he's hiding"): "Maybe he's not as rich as he says he is." For his part, Trump doesn't think you learn anything from tax returns. Then again, Trump also thinks that being audited for 15 years is something to be proud of. And that not paying income taxes "makes me smart." Something something airports!?!?!

Trump seems to be on the verge of busting a vein in his forehead while spouting blatant lies about stop-and-frisk. Thankfully, NYPD director of communications J Peter Donald is here to fact-check him:

There are still some simple pleasures.

Also, we should talk about the elephant in the room: does Trump have a cocaine problem? I'm not saying it's true, but a lot of people have been talking about it, not me, just a lot of people!

[Original Post]Expectations are high (too high for some). National polls are tightening like vices (or not, depending on how much you hate elderly Millennials). Storylines are set, drinking game rules are in place, and viewing locations have been chosen. The first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump is set to kick off at 9 p.m. EST at Hofstra University, and literally anything could happen on stage. And yet, the results are already in for Donl Trop.

The debate over the role of moderator Lester Holt remains a contentious one, but there will be no shortage of fact-checking, as some outlets will be doing so live on screen while the Times will enlist 18 journalists for some real time blogging. Trump has proven to be bulletproof in the eyes of his followers despite shooting himself in the face with lies and gaffes throughout the campaign, so will it make a difference?

Questions abound: will Trump say anything horrible on national television? Can Hillary do anything to sway swing voters? Will Trump deploy any big boy words? Will Hillary take advantage of her "huge moment?" Is Nate Silver permanently broken? Will Trump reveal that he's really been Andy Kaufman all along?

We'll be updating as the debate goes on. Or perhaps just at the end, depending on how depressing it gets. And if it gets really bad, there's always Patton Oswalt's Twitter feed.