[UPDATE: Earth-shattering revelation that a spokesman for Donald Trump may have been less than honest below, along with Macy's statement] Online petitions aren't just for futile attempts at bringing back the McRib—they helped stop Victoria's Secret from cutting down trees in the rainforest and saved a stray puppy's life in the Middle East. Now we have the chance to shame Macy's to stop writing checks to Donald Trump, the sad bigot who thinks he's way more successful than he actually is.

The petition for Macy's to drop Trump currently has around 488K signatures, and comes as Trump is featured prominently in a Macy's Christmas advertisement in which he questions Santa Claus' identity. "What's with the getup Kringle?" Trump asks Santa. Either Trump is asking because he is openly acknowledging his racism, or because he knows that he can exploit racism for his own personal gain, but either way, it's hilarious! Elbow-your-elderly-Republican-voting-aunt-in-the-ribs-on-the-couch-after-Thanksgiving-dinner HILARIOUS.


Trump's spokesman is confident that his employer won't be dumped by Macy's. “Mr. Trump is important to Macy’s, both as a brand and as an endorser," the spokesman told the Daily News. "His ties, shirts, cufflinks, fragrances and other merchandise are top-selling items across the country—in particular Mr. Trump’s ties are the number one selling ties at Macy’s.” He's got a point: where will Americans buy awful ties if they don't have Trump's name on it? Do we really want to have to start waiting in line for hours for shitty ties, like we did in the '70s2012s? (Also: when will Obama finally raid the valuable necktie fields in Saudi Arabia and Libya?)

Besides, can't we put politics aside as the nation comes together to fill the yawning gaps in our souls by buying a bunch of shit we almost certainly do not need, for Jesus? Sign the petition here. And while you're at it, sign this one to boot Trump off NBC.

[UPDATE] A current Macy's employee who has direct knowledge of the chain's neckwear sales emails us to correct Donald Trump's spokesman, Michael Cohen: "Trump's ties are definitely NOT the number one selling ties" for the chain.

The employee, a business analyst, who requested anonymity because they're not allowed to speak to the media, writes:

For the Fall season, currently the brands that are beating him (in terms of sales dollars) are: Calvin Klein, Alfani, Geoffrey Beene, Kenneth Cole, Michael Kors, Club Room, John Ashford, and Tommy Hilfiger. To be fair, he is beating out a number of other brands since we carry a bajillion brand of ties, but he is doing less business than last year and it is only about 5.3% of our tie sales. Trump dress shirts are only about 1.4% of total dress shirts. It looks like our customers are already kind of in agreement of dumping him.

The employee DID NOT provide a copy of their long-form birth certificate though, so all of this may be a lie. We've reached out to Cohen for comment and will update if he responds. Since this post went live, an additional 14,000 people signed the petition.

[SECOND UPDATE] A spokesperson from Macy's passes along the following statement:

Macy’s marketing and merchandise offerings are not representative of any political position. Many of the individuals associated with products sold at Macy's - or at any retailer, for that matter - express personal opinions that are not related to the merchandise we sell or to the philosophies of our company. In our merchandise assortment, we strive to meet our customers' expectations for unique and interesting products across a broad array of styles, categories and brands. This allows our customers to choose what they prefer. A longtime focus of Macy's holiday advertising has been to celebrate the season's spirit of generosity and goodwill through our ongoing "Believe" campaign, and that is the sole message of our holiday television commercials.

Get that, people? The point of Macy's new ad campaign isn't self-serving racism, but "generosity and goodwill."