[UPDATE BELOW] Did you have plans this weekend? Are those plans located a long distance, and/or under tunnels or across bridges, from your apartment? Were you going to use the subway to transport yourself from your bed to your plans? Well, go ahead and cancel them, lest you subject yourself to the sweet, sticky hell that is weekend subway navigation: this week, we've got changes and track work on nearly every line. J,M,Z, we tip our hat to you, and the 7's still spared, albeit briefly.

Here's what's on tap:

The 1 train will not run between 96th Street and Van Cortlandt Park-242nd street, starting at 11:30 p.m. Friday and ending at 5 a.m. Monday. 3 trains will run on the 4 line in Brooklyn, though they'll make regular express stops in Manhattan.

As suggested above, the 4 will not run between Brooklyn Bridge and New Lots Avenue this weekend, from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Monday. Service on the 5 is suspended between Grand Central-42nd Street and Bowling Green, with changes in effect from 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. on Saturday and 8 a.m. to 11 p.m. on Sunday. The 6 train will make express stops from Parkchester to Hunts Point Avenue, on the Brooklyn Bridge-bound track, starting at 6:45 a.m. on Saturday and ending at 7 p.m. on Sunday.

The A train will not run between Lefferts and Rockaway Blvds, starting at 11:45 p.m. Friday and ending at 5 a.m. on Monday. 207 Street-bound trains will make express stops between Canal Street and 59th Street-Columbus Circle, from 11:45 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. Friday to Sunday, and then again from @2:45 p.m. Sunday to 5 a.m. on Monday. Northbound C trains will run along the F line from Jay Street-MetroTech to 34th Street-Herald Square, and then along the D line to 59th Street-Columbus Circle; those changes are in place from 6:30 a.m. to 11 p.m. on Saturday and Sunday.

The D, meanwhile, will not run between Coney Island-Stillwell Avenue and Bay Parkway, starting at 5:30 a.m. and ending at 8 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. The E will run express from Canal Street to 34th Street-Penn Station on the Jamaica Center-bound track from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 5 a.m. Sunday. They will also run local from Roosevelt Avenue to 71st Avenue on that track, from 12:01 a.m. Saturday to 5 a.m. Monday. WTC-bound E trains will run express from 71st Avenue to Queens Plaza, from 11:45 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. Saturday and Sunday, and then again from 11:45 p.m. Sunday to 5 a.m. Monday.

Coney Island-bound F trains will make express stops between Smith-9th Streets to Avenue X, from 11:45 p.m. Friday to 8 p.m. Sunday. Jamaica-bound F trains will make local stops from Roosevelt Avenue to 71st Avenue, starting at 12:01 a.m. Saturday and ending at 5 a.m. Monday.

The L, naturally, will not run between 8th Avenue and 14th Street-Union Square in either direction, starting at 11:45 p.m. Friday and ending at 5 a.m. on Monday.

As for the N, there will be no service between Coney Island-Stillwell Avenue and 86th Street, from 5:30 a.m. to 8 p.m. on Saturday and Sunday. The Q will run express on the Coney Island-bound track from Prospect Park to Kings Highway, starting at 11:15 p.m. Friday and ending at 5 a.m. Monday. And the R will make express stops from 71st Avenue to Queens Plaza on the Bay Ridge-bound track; those changes are in effect from 5:30 a.m. to 11 p.m. on Saturday and Sunday.

Update 2/20/15: Good news! Thanks to "inclement weather," scheduled weekend work on the 1 has been cancelled. Of course, this just means 1 train riders have future interruptions to look forward to, but don't think about that just yet!

For now, we've just got changes on the 3,4,5,6,A,C,D,E,F,L,N,Q,R trains this weekend.