[UPDATE BELOW] The worst place on earth in the history of our species was on the 4, 5, and 6 line this morning, as subway commuters endured "massive" delays during rush hour, making them late for work, miss important doctor's appointments, and have to sit in the front row for the early bird screening of Hot Tub Time Machine 2 at AMC Loews Kips Bay. The photo above depicts the exuberant scene at 86th Street, where one straphanger said she had to wait for six trains to pass by before she could squeeze onto a 5 train—which then proceeded to go local from 42nd Street to the Brooklyn Bridge. TGIF! Oh, wait.

More than one commuter says a 6 train was taken out of service because of a peeing passenger.

UPDATE: One passenger on that 6 train has filed this report:

I got on at 96th street at about 8:35am; trains seemed to be already a bit delayed as the platform was more crowded than usual.

When I got on the very crowded train, other commuters were saying, "you can sit there...if you want" and noting the man sitting in the middle of the subway car with nobody around him. He appeared visibly intoxicated and was mumbling incoherently...and loudly and waving his arms around awkwardly. He was not wearing his shoes. He rolled up his sleeves at one point to reveal a hospital bracelet on his wrist.

After 77th street, all of a sudden I hear "what are you doing!!?" from a couple people and then the commuters on the train parted like the Red Sea. I have never seen anyone "find space" and crowd together on the train so fast. Because our fellow passenger decided to start peeing in the car.

Needless to say, people were horrified. When we arrived at 68th street, most people in our car got off because they couldn't take it. I hoped we would just leave him be and keep going but someone must have alerted the conductor or something because eventually MTA got on our car and made everyone evacuate and deemed the entire subway train "out of service." It took a while for that train to clear the station, ostensibly backing up other 6 trains for awhile.

The irony is, nobody gets off the 6 at 68th so our entire train had to wait several more trains before people could dribble back onto trains. My 20 minute commute took 90 minutes thanks to one man. He was hauled off the train—oddly by another passenger, who manned up and touched him, looked like MTA was just going to keep yelling at him :)—and was laying on the 68th st. platform for about 30 minutes before paramedics arrived.

But an MTA spokesperson said there were no reports of errant urination, telling us, "The Lex Line had delays this morning because a manhole fire in Brooklyn knocked out power to signals between Eastern Pkwy and Grand Army."

There have also been delays on the R line this morning after a customer reportedly fell onto the tracks. Fuck this day already.