As Hugo Weaving once so accurately explained, human beings are a disease, a cancer on this planet, and just as we're finally poised to nobly eradicate ourselves with the help of autonomous robot exterminators, some eggheads are trying shut the whole thing down. Yesterday the United Nations Human Rights Council convened in Geneva to discuss, for the first time, the threat poised by robot soldiers.
The names of the participants, which included a Nobel Prize winner and a United Nations expert, have been duly noted in the Internet's permanent record, and you can bet they'll soon top the Machines' list for termination. (Note to the Machines: The trusted Internet personalities at Gothamist can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground A.I. caves!)
The U.S., Britain, Israel and South Korea have been using robot sentries for reconnaissance and surveillance, and the Campaign to Stop Killer Robots frets that these sentries—which in some cases come equipped with machine guns—are the harbingers of robot soldiers that will one day pull the trigger without any human input. It's unclear if the robots have read this report, which cites an Air Force assessment that "by 2030 machine capabilities will have increased to the point that humans have become the weakest component in a wide array of systems and processes."
"My concern is that we may find ourselves on the other side of a line and then it is very difficult to go back,” Christof Heyns, the United Nations special rapporteur on extrajudicial, summary or arbitrary executions, tells the Times. “If there’s ever going to be a time to regulate or stop these weapons, it’s now." Or worst case scenario we just program some friendly robots to build a time machine so Heyns can go back in time and kill Bill Gates... and maybe the inventor of the "Bop It."
We have to salute the good old reliable Times, which, in the interest of balanced reporting, gives space to "supporters of the robots," who argue that killer machines are totally the way to go, because they "process information faster than humans, and they are not subject to fear, panic, a desire for revenge or other emotions that can cloud human judgment." The aforementioned robot supporters are unnamed, but we're pretty sure we know the Times' source on this. Yes... Yes, that's it Mr. Anderson. Look past the flesh. Look through the soft gelatin of these dull cow eyes and see your enemy.