The number one rule of life is that you should never go on sentient frat hazing prank Tucker Carlson's scream show. The second rule of life is seriously, don't go on his show. If you're going to do it though, I guess the best you can do is act like City Council Member Corey Johnson and goad the Swanson heir into screaming something about spending a lot of time in Penn Station's bathrooms.

Johnson was on Tucker Carlson Screamfest: Sponsored by Levitra ostensibly to catch a beatdown from the host/Dancing with the Stars failure over his bill that would force President Donald Trump to release his tax returns. Instead, it turned into Carlson, who doesn't even live in NYC, shouting at Johnson about how the city (in which crime keeps falling) is falling to pieces.

Don't get me wrong, I don't in any way feel bad that Johnson got treated poorly or eventually got his mic cut, because that's what he was invited there for. But at least Johnson's sacrifice gave us Carlson humiliating himself while screaming, "Have you been the men's room in Penn Station?!" and demonstrating a sociopathic attitude toward the city's homelessness crisis by sarcastically telling Johnson he must say "ignore the guy living under the ATM machine," in his speeches. For a more nuanced take on the issue, might I suggest Gothamist dot com, and perhaps even making a donation to a group like CAMBA.

In addition to being mean-spirited and obsessed with public men's rooms, Carlson also revealed that he doesn't understand public transportation in New York. Just in case Carlson or his poor social media intern is reading this, Amtrak manages Penn Station, as so many delayed commuters have learned thanks to recent events, not the City of New York. But why would you need to know that if your job was to be a highly-compensated current events screamer?

All this being said, I did happen to go into the men's room in the LIRR waiting room at Penn a couple weeks ago. It was...fine? Not any better or worse than I've seen it in my entire life, and certainly a safe enough place to let your child walk in and pee. Or you know, just accompany them in there if you're a helicopter parent who watches too much Fox News.