Vibrators? Land mines? The last remaining scraps of our dignity? Ha, good one.

Chihuawhaaaaaaa? Let this FRIDAY FUNDAY TSA statement explain:

Transportation Security Administration (TSA) officers who were in the checked baggage area were busy screening luggage on Tuesday morning (March 3) at LaGuardia Airport when a black hard-sided suitcase triggered an alarm that required an officer to open the luggage to inspect its contents.

What could have triggered the alarm for unknown contents?

Imagine the TSA officer’s surprise when he opened the suitcase to find beige and brown Chihuahua staring back up at him from among the contents of the luggage. Ay Chihuahua!

TSA worked with the airline to locate the traveler and reunite her with her dog. The dog’s owner was just as surprised as the TSA officer who found it. The woman said that the dog must have climbed into the suitcase and curled up in the clothing while she was packing for her trip. She had no idea the little pup had crawled in.

The woman called her husband, who came to the airport to pick up the pup and bring it back home.

And so ends one local husband's desperate hope for a single goddamn weekend without that constant incessant YIPPING YIP YIP YIP. Chihuahuawompwomp. Instead he'll spend the next several days wearing noise-cancelling headphones and drinking tequila in the basement while writing his spec script for Beverly Hills Chihuahua 4: Fuck You, TSA, Seriously Fuck You.