They're all just thieving, gropey-handed perverts until they actually catch someone: TSA agents at JFK airport nabbed a 54-year-old man yesterday with a battery-powered stun gun, three "electric stun batons," an "electric stun pen," and pepper spray. According to the Post, Mohamed Hefni was waiting in a first-class lounge to board a Saudi Airlines flight to Riyadh when he was detained for the contents of his checked bag.

Hefni, who was living on the Upper East Side, has been charged with misdemeanor weapons possession. He was flagged after a TSA agent "spotted the outline of weapons" inside his checked bag. No word on whether he was a Jets or Cowboys fan.